I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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