Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
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She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
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It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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