I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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