my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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