I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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