ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
this just has baby written all over it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
