And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
