Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
