If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....