just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed