I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk