made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.