I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
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No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.