I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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