I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
honey bunches of taint.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
