yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
