end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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