You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
