Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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