Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize