God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
