Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
