I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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