I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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