Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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