she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I didn't notice because vodka
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
