so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
