Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
