Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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