if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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