New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
