...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
