We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
