Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
