I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
