I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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