Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize