a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
