he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
