Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
