atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
