I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
