Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I want a musical about memes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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