What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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