I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
