just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
