i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Ketchup is God's man juice
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
