I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
