i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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