how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
