She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
