i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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