I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I AM VODKA MAN
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
