you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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