my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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