Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
