When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You brought string cheese to the strip club
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
