No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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