We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
