its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
the liver wants what the liver wants
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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