if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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