Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
