Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
