so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
