So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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