Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
