Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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