it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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