I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
