i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
