Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
