Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
