I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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