So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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